Tag Archives: journey

There is a Season….

Can you feel that? Can you see that? Taste and smell it? The winter has turned to spring. I saw it with my own eyes this morning. The buds on the trees are bright green. The warmth of the sun has already tinted my skin and the fresh air is littered with scents of new growth. And, people are smiling. For no reason except they are outside and it doesn’t hurt anymore!!!! The season has changed.

I think about life in terms of seasons so often. Because it’s every changing. Sometimes with the climate seasons, sometimes faster, sometimes slower. Some may call it a cop-out, an escape or maybe even an excuse.

I call it freedom.

Freedom from perfection. Freedom from measuring my life according to yours or his or hers or what society tells me to.

And I find it so helpful. Because it helps me stay present to the life I’m living. It helps me not live in the past or be filled with anxiety and anxiousness to get to the future. It gives me freedom to live freely within each set of circumstances I’m offered.

And yet I am so affected by my surroundings. I am so easily influenced by the attitude and passions of those around me. Easily encouraged or discouraged by connection with others. Energized or depressed by the weather.

But even though my circumstances can dictate my mood. They can’t take me out of the game of life. I am content. I am content with who I am. I am content with what I have. I am content with my God.

Some days a miserable and hard and uncomfortable. But there’s an acceptance I can have when I have the right perspective and think of my life in seasons. And ask God, what *this* season has to offer. Can I find growth in the suffering? Acceptance of those around me who are different than me in the discomfort? Time for continued education, meeting a friends needs or re-focus on the direction I’m heading?

But right now I can say I’m happily unemployed. And I expect that soon I will be happily employed. Does it help that the weather is beautiful? Yes. Does it help that I have friends to spend time with? Yes. Does it help that I have some much need time to run, rest and write? Yes. Does it help that I’ve been here before and I have experienced the journey being so much better than the destination? Yes.

I won’t hurry through the days and hours worrying and being anxious about my future. Because just like winter turned to spring and just a few months ago my unemployed life turned into a working life and just like my single life turned into a life with someone. This too will turn into something. And I’m so excited to see what that something is.

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Connecting to Holy Week

It hit me like a ton of bricks this year. Some times, some ways, some things just connect differently at different times. It’s what I love about faith. It’s alive and exciting. It touches my soul, connects to who I am and meets me right where I’m at.

Lately I’ve been thinking about making a pretty big life decision. A career move if you will and it’s met with all sorts of advice and thoughtful comments from people who I know love and care about me and have been close to me in certain seasons of my life. I value every word they say, and also know that I have to make my own decision.  And no matter which way I go, I will be met with good and sometimes challenging circumstances.

Last Sunday was Palm Sunday, the day Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey, as predicted by prophets of old. And in that moment he was celebrated. He was held in high-esteem, he was praised and made known. He was celebrated for who he was, the son of God.

I wonder if this could have been on of those moments for Jesus when he could see heaven on earth. Those moments of peace when every thing collides to connect with your true self. That moment when you feel known, understood and have purpose. But at the same time, Jesus knew that some of the people with him, closest to him, would betray him. And the same people celebrating him would put him to death. The downturn of this comes quickly, forcefully and with out any compassion. 4-days later Jesus in betrayed, and then beaten and killed.

And still he lived in that moment. He experienced Palm Sunday (or travel tuesday, whatever they called it 2000 years ago). He let them celebrate God. He received it.

I think about my life. The changes that are to come. I think about my life transitions. The beginning often filled with celebration and excitement, but then the downturn comes. Life gets hard, the honeymoon period of relationships end, expectations are left unmet and dreams fade into reality.

But Jesus shows me how. How to live regardless of what’s to come.  Regardless of the unknown that lies ahead. How to celebrate again and again. How to love regardless of what the future holds. And no matter which path I take, it will have a beginning filled with celebration, and a middle filled with ups and downs and a Jesus to show me how to love and be loved through it all.

Over the next several days we will remember, reflect on and celebrate Jesus’ final journey here on earth as a man. It starts with a meal with friends, and then quickly turns to betrayal, torture and death. But it doesn’t end there – there is the resurrection. Because no matter how bad it gets, the end is just the beginning with Jesus. He offers more. He offers redemption. And a future that one day won’t be tarnished by pain and suffering.

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One More Time

This song has been shouting loudly in my head the past week or so.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3ll-5zwe3c0

As I hang out with friends, one more time, doing our favorite things, one more time, walking out of familiar places, one more time, running my favorite routes or with my favorite people, one more time, my heart aches with grief yet celebrates the good that has passed and is to come.

Today, after I pack all my stuff in a trailer to be shipped across the country, I will get in the car and begin my two day journey to Madison, WI. The chapter I’m closing is a tough one to walk away from. Life is good. Love is abundant. Community is vibrant and Jesus is surely alive amongst us.

But there’s a new adventure ahead of me. New people to meet and love, new places to call home, new favorite things to do, new favorite places to run, and new crazy things to do with Jesus.

Worcester you have a huge piece of my heart.

Madison, here I come!!!

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Waiting on Mr. Just Right for Me, Sent by God!

The last time I blogged about a boy I got a pretty tough comment.  And it fits just right for this blog. 

To quote the comment, reader Karen says,

“I hope it works for you, but honestly it sounds so far fetched. Best of luck to you. Almost living in another world…”

That was in response to my turning down of Mr. Breakfast man (It’s Raining Men, Aug 4) just a few months ago. 

What she’s also talking about besides my decision to not go on a date with that guy is my decision to give God my romantic life and trust that He will work it out to the best possible outcome imaginable.

Maybe it is another world I’m living in.  It does seem like such a foreign concept to give God such control in my life.  But I’m so thankful I did!  The journey is bringing me closer to God with every passing moment. 

Let’s talk a little bit about how we got here.  More than a year an a half ago I got dumped.  We’ve all been there, it’s not fun, but it happens.  And when it did, I decided again – that God was going to have to take control of this whole thing.  But this time I really meant it and I took steps to really surrender control.  I gave God every little detail of my romantic life.  God was going to have to deal with it.  I was done.  I wasn’t looking, I wasn’t going online, I wasn’t going to just date any guy who came along.  I would wait for God to bring someone into my life, if He chose to. (I guess I assumed I would just know when this happened). 

But it’s a desire of mine and I’ve consistently let God know that.  I tell God over and over, ask Him nicely and expectantly, where is my mate?  Can he come soon?  And I also told God that if He could use me best single, I would stay single.  I don’t want to, but I will.  Because I love God so much and I trust that He has the best for me.

Since I gave it to God, I haven’t been dwelling on this aspect of my life.  I have my moments, but it hasn’t been consuming – or even too heavy to handle.  It’s a desire I believe God will fulfill.  And it set me free.  Giving that over to God has given me the freedom to live my life.  It’s given me the freedom to follow Him and His path, I’m not always looking around, checking to see what I need to do to make it happen.  I’m free to be me and hang out with God.

I think God gives us big gifts when we make big decisions for Him.  My gift in this situation is a friend who made the same commitment.  We came to the decision on our own and then took the journey together.  We pray for each other a lot.  We have this connection that can only come from God.  I know when I’m having a tough day, when I think all hope is gone, when I just can’t see past my circumstances, I can ask her for prayer and God just breaks through – reminds me of His promises and revitalizes that hope that He’s taking care of things.

My life is constantly changing for the better.  God is breaking in with new hopes and desires, He’s fulfilling promises and dreams that I thought I had to let go of.  And as I grow closer to Him and His love I just want Him more.

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Big Blessings!

God says He’ll turn our mourning to dancing and in my life He really really has.  I can’t put it all into words but try this visual with me. 

Do you remember in Mary Poppins, when the kids write a list of all the characteristics of the nanny they would like?  You know, cheery disposition, never cross, take us on outings, give us treats.  And then the Dad finds it, rips it up and throws it in the fire.  Then it floats into the air, reforms into a letter and Mary finds it.  She shows up and she’s everything on the list and more.  More because she really loves those kids and really wants to make their lives better.  

Well that’s sort of what my life feels like right now.  It feels like I had all these dreams and ideas for my life that I thought would make it a great life.  And then I found a deeper relationship with God (which was way better than anything on my list).  And in that journey I ripped up my list.  I gave it to God and said, hey God, these are my ideas but I’m casting them aside, I’m throwing them out and asking you to lead and guide my life.  You take care of it God; you know best, I chose to follow your lead.  And it’s been great and exciting, exhilarating in fact.  I’ve grown and healed, I’ve learned about myself and others and I’ve taken steps I couldn’t have taken on my own.  Without the journey, I wouldn’t have been ready for the blessings.

Now I am in this season of overwhelming blessings.  Like God grabbed my list, put it back together, added every unspoken prayer request and need and just started filling them, one by one.  Blessing me with an abundance I can’t even articulate.  Each day, each hour, each moment is filled with so much good from Him I’m overwhelmed with joy and thanksgiving.  The blessings come in all forms, from new job opportunities, to flowers on my porch.  A card in the mail, a meal made with friends, new relationships, the ability to pay for school because of the generosity of my friends.  I guess it doesn’t look exactly like the list I wanted before, but it’s better than anything I could imagine.  Because it’s from God.  He is my desire.  He is at the top of my list.  This stuff is just the icing. 

I miss Fenway.  She left a hole in my heart.  For sure.  But God is overflowing me with His good, and it’s great.  Everyday isn’t perfect, and some blessings come with new hurdles….but my heart is in God’s hands and nothing is better than that!

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Preparing For Change, While Waiting to Be Led

This idea filters through my mind as I contemplate where God is leading me in these next steps in life.  I’m asking, seeking, knocking and most importantly, listening.  As I listen and respond I want to eagerly move forward in one direction or another.  But I am stopped.

I am at a point where something has to change.  It’s “do” or “die” job time, among other things.  And so I contemplate these next steps.  Looking and waiting for God to lead, sorting through desires and responsibilities. 

I feel free in some ways.  I don’t have a family of my own yet and I’m not tied to any one spot by anything binding (like a mortgage or a contract).  I like that at this point in my life.  But it’s not about me.  It’s about God and how He can best use me. 

Life isn’t always weighed down with this pulling tension of which way to go.  But living with God, is living in tension.  Sometimes it feels like we’re searching for balance.  But can we ever be truly balanced, living in this world and living with God?  Okay, I could go off on a whole new subject here, so for now, I’m faced with change, a big decision and this tends to lead me to a place of unrest.  Day to day walking with God has been amazing, each day getting better and better….despite what’s happening in my life, God is with me and I’m loving the life I’ve been given.  The tension in this big decision has me thinking and wondering which way to go.  If I even have a decision to make….mostly I think I’m just waiting for God to make the decision.

But the desire for something more rages inside of me.  When I look around me, I see that change could be an improvement.  Some days I feel like I have this soccer mom lifestyle but no kids to cart-around.  I feel like I there is more I could give on a daily basis. Sure, I’m very busy and I’m learning and growing but I want to step out again.  Step out into the wide open and soar.  Ok – starting to get a little cheesy but I’m annoyed with parts of my life.  And since it’s time for a change (that whole job thing) I look for big jumps, leaps of faith and daring adventures.  Is that too big to look at now?  Do I need to dial back and find that filling the immediate needs, like a job, will settle the rage?

Don’t get me wrong, many aspects of my life are amazing right now.  I love my job at church, love my community and love that I get to spend time with my nephew as he grows up.  I love the way I’ve been growing and learning to live this life with God.  This has all been necessary but I feel a stirring for change.  Is this change that job that fits right in with what I’m doing, that relationship with the man of my dreams that I know is around the corner or something new that I can’t yet put my finger on just yet?

A new road will present itself.  I will wait and listen for God to lead me down the best road for me.  My question now — will it meet up with the road I’m on, or take a sharp turn?  

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Today’s the day!

Well, that might sound a little more promising than it actually is.  Today’s simply the day I will write my first blog on wordpress.  Not as exciting as, for example, today’s the day I start a new job, or move, or get married.  I mention those things to give you a little insight to me.  Those are the things I want, my desires.

With that said, I’ve been thinking about what to write about for my first blog.  Let’s start with a little about my journey.

I need a job and I need a place to live.  They are not only my desires but also my necessities.  Society’s standards say that I need the job first.  The economy says this is hard.  And God says wait a minute, it will come.  So I sit, I wait and I search…. 

It’s all too uncommon to, we’ll say, disrupt, society’s standards and try things with God.  Asking Him before making a move, waiting to hear an answer and then making a move.  This path is 1) not easy but 2) completely exhilarating, comforting and peaceful!

That’s not to say I’m just sitting around thinking God is going to drop something in my lap while I watch TV all day or escape to the beach.  I need to put in some effort on my part.  I am actively searching for a job, talking with people, asking about opportunities and praying that God opens the right doors and gives me the wisdom to know the wrong ones.

You should probably know a bit about how I got here.  I had a career in TV News but was laid off over a year ago.  While searching for another job I decided I was done with TV and during the last year and few months I have been searching within me and with God what next steps would be best for me and I feel like He is orchestrating everything that’s happening now.  I stopped taking my unemployment checks and packed up my stuff to move almost two months ago.   Not because I thought it would be easy, but because I believe God is leading me to the best He has for me here.

With that, I may be in a somewhat uncomfortable position right now…technically I’m homeless, I don’t have a job, I just turned 30, I’m single and my poor dog is so confused about our living situation that she doesn’t want to leave my side.  And while I want all those things to change and I’m trusting God for that (which is hard sometimes), I also know I’m right on track…it doesn’t look like a white picket fenced life but God says, “don’t worry I got you,” 

It’s not always easy but it’s happy.

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