I write knowing it’s been way to long since my last blog. I apologize: to you and myself. I enjoy writing and sharing and lately I’ve been putting if off. But I want to put an end to putting things off – with that I would like to start with by saying I am committing to writing bi-weekly. That’s twice a week. Not every other week. It will change my blog a bit to more every day adventures and not just big moments. But it is the everyday things that we find our big adventures, our course changes our “aha” moments and our growth. So please, I ask you to hold me accountable to blogging twice a week.
On to the breakdown. Last week I had a bit of a melt-down if you will. I was overwhelmed. I went on yet another job interview and while it’s a great opportunity and one I’m praying I will be a part of – it didn’t meet my immediate need. Money. God does provide. And He has in amazing ways but on Friday I had had enough. After the job interview I went to deposit my check and quickly parked in a handicap spot on Main St. Now don’t judge. I’m not trying to park in a spot I don’t need and I don’t usually do that but I was running in quickly and the person behind me had a handicap plate and was in a regular spot so I figured we just switched for a moment. It made sense in my head at the time and now I feel terrible and I’ve asked for forgiveness and I’ve had to put it behind me. Well not completely behind me. I have a $200 ticket I have to pay. So, I have learned my lesson. I am sorry. But after that I got call and I didn’t even know what to say. I lost it. I cried. I cried out to God and I begged Him to tell me, show me what I had done wrong or was doing wrong for things to be such a mess. I can’t provide for myself I yelled to Him. Why won’t you let me provide. Well, the obvious answer that is hard to accept; is that He is providing for me.
I got some prayer that afternoon and it was that turning point I needed. My friend said a few key things that felt like they were straight from God and spoke directly to my situation. It was the affirmation I need to hear. You know those moments. When everything is falling apart. When you don’t know which way is up. When you’re wondering if you heard God wrong in the first place? When you think maybe you’ve done something wrong. Well I heard the words that kept me from falling off the path.
I will not abort is the final determination I came to. No matter what. When I think it’s my fault, when I think God is far away, when I think I can’t go on, when I hear words that make me question my decisions. Even in all those moments I will not abort. He can give and he can take away. And I can laugh and I will cry, but I will not abort. My mission, I have accepted is to live in reckless abandonment for Jesus. If I act crazy, it’s probably because I am. I’m sold out for my Savior. There’s no turning back. Bring on the Raman!!!